I totally get and respect the “no resolutions” attitude. I’m with you, usually. But I also think they’re fun and a way to collectively commiserate, even if they’re unrealistic or unsustainable.
I resolve to become a god.
Said almost no one, ever. It’s not mine, but at least that fictitious guy is getting the conversation going. Makes my goal to add 5 lbs to bench and start eating fruit (real fruit, not vegetables trying to get in on a technicality) look like bullshit. No one’s asking me, “Hey Will, what’s your strategy for getting that banana down? You gotta start chewing before it hits teeth, or just move the tongue and force it down?” But they do want to know about God Bro.
Are you joking?
How?
Why?
Does it demand mortal sacrifice and the drinking of children’s plasma proteins?
I mean, now we’re talking. God Bro probably has some good answers, or at least is so hammered out of his skull that he’s reduced to the body language of a broken marionette. Will he become a god? The odds are against it, same as my fruit thing. But the story is where it counts.
So, what’s your story? Are you resolved to eat fruit? Or are you on a quest for wellness, nay, [term] immortality! Fruit is merely the first step. Then comes the 5 lbs on bench and the power to suck souls out of peoples bodies.
And relax, even if you do want to pour the energy into turning your moment of joy every day into a comedic display piece, come Feb 1st we will (statistically) all have stories to share. Of failed resolutions. The moment of joy became the moment of rage and let me tell you all the reasons I scream into my pillow at night. Better yet, the dude trying to become a god found out that it required 4 tax stamps and a diploma from something something university. Forget that. But god mode in a game? Now we’re talking.
Be well, resolute, and happy ’25.
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