TL;DR: I’m getting my son a new Xbox for Christmas. Back in my day, yadda yadda.
Not long enough; can’t stop reading:
I am the best dad in the world. I’ll skip the jokes about my mug saying so (it doesn’t) and cut right to the carotids: I’m getting my son an Xbox for Christmas.
Beast, right?
Thing is, he won’t even fully appreciate the gift because he already has an Xbox. “Fuck you dad, I already have a Nintendo,” says little kid tossing his new N64 in the garbage. “Where’s the Pokémon?”
So, Xbox. I don’t need to sell you on it, and if you like PlayStation, then you are understanding-adjacent to how critical this device is to his gaming career (which might be important in the upcoming war against AI, maybe that’s how we fight back …). So, large excitement and commiseration that the boy won’t be fetching my slippers for the next 8 years in gratitude. He’ll switch over and bask in ultra-high and ultra-fast Fortnight.
Not cooler games. Just faster and graphickser.
Going back to Nintendo, I remember when Super Nintendo came out. Literally super. Yoshi had a fucking tongue. Forget about his tongue, you could RIDE Yoshi. No, scratch that. Yoshi, period. Later, when Mario went to N64, his world went 3D, and more minds were blown. Goldeneye kinda stole some of his thunder, but what incredible leaps forward. I get that we’ve reached the diminishing returns phase, it’s fine. Graphics only get so good, new gaming concepts are increasingly rare. It’d just be cool if the kids could be wowed, though. Like we were. Kinda like we still are when it comes to things like the price of eggs and AI. Kids don’t care about AI, it’s just another servant to them in a world of servants.
Like me, some guy making sure the stream of Xboxes doesn’t shut off.
And going back to Nintendo is not an option. The … what’s it called? The twitch? Those little controllers that reject 30 years of button-mashing conditioning? Get off my lawn.
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